


Love and Logic

by Kobo



Series: The Heart Doesn't Listen [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, They need to fight in order to make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kobo/pseuds/Kobo
Summary: Cassian had met her as her ship pulled into Echo base’s hanger – nothing unusual there – with his face lit up by an overeager smile – again, nothing unusual. What had been unusual was his reason why. Cassian wasn’t one for overly sappy sentiments, or at least in public places, but she’d expected the reason for his smile to be different than “something Draven said a few weeks ago.”





	Love and Logic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roguewrath (purqatory)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purqatory/gifts).



> [RogueWrath](https://roguewrath.tumblr.com/) prompted me with **“I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.”** and (After a shamefully long time) it inspired this piece. 
> 
> A long, long time ago (like, April) I wrote Logos and Pathos, based off the prompt “Temptation”, where Draven just shy of orders Cassian to make his relationship with Jyn official and stop creating drama around the Rebellion because of it. I had several people ask me for a continuation from Jyn’s POV and I swore I was going to do it, but I just... never got around to it, I suppose? My writing brain is weird sometimes my apologies really.
> 
> But, now, I DID IT. Have Jyn’s perspective on a proposal that, well, may or mat not go the direction Cassian was hoping.

“What did you want to talk about?” Jyn asked as she and Cassian slid into seats in the mess hall. Cassian had met her as her ship pulled into Echo base’s hanger – nothing unusual there – with his face lit up by an overeager smile – again, nothing unusual. What had been unusual was his reason why. Cassian wasn’t one for overly sappy sentiments, or at least in public places, but she’d expected the reason for his smile to be different than “something Draven said a few weeks ago.”

And now, with Cassian recoiling (not physically, perhaps, but Jyn watched him retreat within his mental shell, hiding his open emotion from the hanger behind the practiced “spy face”) she had absolutely no guess what that statement meant. It’s not like she and Draven were famous around base for getting along. In fact, most of the rebels would be less surprised by Jyn and Draven falling into an all-out snowball fight than by her willingly following his advice.

Cassian looked as if he were going to begin but, after opening and closing his mouth twice, averted his eyes to the table. Rather than answering her question, he instead asked, “How was your flight?”

“Uneventful,” she responded, “But now you’re making me nervous.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Cassian assured her. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“In the hanger—” Jyn pointed a finger back in the direction they’d came “—I believed that. Now you’re acting weird.”

Silence overcame the table for a few moments before Cassian peeked up at her from under the fringes of his hair. He cleared his throat lightly before beginning. “Draven’s a bit concerned about our relationship.”

Jyn’s eyebrows rose high on her forehead in response, though Cassian missed the expression by dropping his eyes back to the table. “Did you tell him to go to hell?”

“No,” Cassian said with a slight smile (Jyn couldn’t decide if that calmed the livid thumping of her heart or if it angered her more), “That would be your job. And it’s not what you think.”

“Draven didn’t give you an ultimatum about how being romantically involved with a known rogue and ex-Partisan was going to make you more vulnerable and if you knew what was good for you you’d never speak to me again?” Jyn didn’t bother to disguise the sarcastic anger dripping from her voice.

“No.” Cassian shook his head, entirely too calm for Jyn’s liking. His fingers traced aimless patterns along the tabletop, nervous in a way that Jyn never saw him. Part of her wanted to grab his fidgeting fingers. She stayed still instead. “He didn’t say anything like that at all.”

“Then what could General Davits Draven have to say about our relationship, if it’s not ‘Get one of my best agents away from Jyn Erso’?”

Cassian finally dared looking up at her again. “He … suggested that we make it official.”

Jyn stared at him. “Marriage?” Her voice tainted the word with disdain. Cassian hid it well, but, for a moment, Jyn was certain she saw him flinch at the tone of her voice. “Draven suggested we get  _married_?”

“He made some logical points, Jyn, and…”

Jyn didn’t let Cassian finish. Too many emotions – nothing like the cool logical Cassian was speaking of – coiled in her gut; finishing this discussion with him right now would be disastrous for both of them. With a shake of her head, Jyn pushed back from the table, despite Cassian’s protests and attempt to grab her arm.

She stormed out of the mess hall with no clear destination in mind, shoulder checking several pilots in her path on the way out.

Cassian didn’t attempt to call her back.

 

* * *

Jyn found her way to the training room. Since she’d just returned from a mission, no other members of her squadron were in the room. They, likely, were taking the rest of the day to sleep and eat and shower – all the things she should be doing right now, if only her heartbeat weren’t running so high and her hands itching to punch something. 

_He made some logical points, Jyn…_

General Draven could keep his logical points, Jyn thought as she jabbed at a punching bag. If Jyn had been looking for logic, Cassian wouldn’t be in her life. Hell, the Alliance itself – her rank, her position within it, the missions she ran at the risk of her own life – wouldn’t be in her life at all if logic dictated her actions. She would have bolted before the Scarif mission, the second her obligation to the Alliance for saving her from Wobani was fulfilled.

Instead, she’d led a suicide mission to Scarif. She’d joined its ranks once she escaped the bacta tanks, and she’d allowed herself to grow close to the members of her team. More than the magnetic pull Cassian had on her – and she on him – Jyn found herself relying on Bodhi’s easy company and the optimistic presence of Chirrut. Baze’s sure aim and K-2SO’s statistical support (or was  _annoyance_  the right word?) kept her back safe, and, for the first time in years, Jyn didn’t need to check over her shoulder constantly.

She’d followed her heart for the first time in years and life gave her the satisfaction of the destruction of her father’s weapon, the rank of sergeant, and a man who waited on the tarmac of wherever the Alliance called home with a smile and a “Welcome home.”

The last thing she wanted now was logical reclaiming that relationship, not when she’d needed to work past that in the beginning.

 _Marriage_. Jyn hadn’t considered marriage since she’d seen her parents’ marriage end with a blaster bolt to her mother’s chest. But when she considered it – considered the smile her father saved exclusively for her mother or the way her mother laughed as her father told a joke that really wasn’t funny at all – it seemed more like a fairy tale told to children. Something doomed to fail from the start.

Minutes faded into an hour and the limited crowd in the room thinned until Jyn was one of the last remaining in the training room. Her muscles ached and her knuckles showed early signs of bruising, but Jyn was still reluctant to leave. Leaving meant returning to the room she and Cassian shared and it meant they’d need to finish their conversation.

With a sigh, Jyn straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath. She battled Stormtroopers and the entire force of the Empire on a regular basis; handling a terrifying conversation with Cassian should she tame in comparison.

 

* * *

“Jyn,” Cassian said as the door to their quarters slid open. He sat up quickly from where he’d been lounging on the bed, his voice caught between relief and surprise. “I … wasn’t sure you’d come back tonight.” 

“I always come back,” Jyn replied with a shrug, heading to the wardrobe to get a change of clothes, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’ll always come back home.”

 _You’re my home_ , she hoped he understood.  _Even if we fight, even if we’re both idiots, even if I’m still angry. This is where I belong._

Her words must have given him hope, because Cassian approached her as she grabbed a set of sleep clothes. When he grabbed her arm this time, Jyn didn’t pull away, only gave him an intense look, trusting he would understand the implied  _You have five seconds to speak before you lose this hand_. His voice was pleading as he spoke. “Just… hear me out.”

“I’m listening,” she informed him coolly, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “But if you’re going to start talking about logic again…”

“I’m not,” Cassian assured her, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t.” His hands ran through his hair anxiously, tossing it this way and that. Combined with his nervous ticks this afternoon, Jyn had never seen Cassian give so many obvious tells about his emotions.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He smiled, shy with a hint of self-depreciation, and shook his head. “Earlier proves that. But I’d like to figure it out, with you by my side, if you’re willing.

“I opened this wrong,” he continued. “Because it isn’t about logic for me. If it was about logic, I would have told you this plan when Draven first mentioned it a month ago. But you and me, this feeling between us—” Cassian reached up to cradle her face in his hands and she didn’t pull away, couldn’t pull away, not with how intently his eyes were boring into hers “—nothing about it is logical. And, for once in my life, I want to follow my heart instead of my head.”

Cassian took a deep breath as if to settle himself, “When I first met you, you were nothing more than a tool in the mission. But by the time we left for Scarif…” Cassian trailed off with a laugh. “By the time we left for Scarif, I was content to die by your side.”

His thumb stroked her cheekbone tenderly, his eyes never leaving hers. “I worried that you wouldn’t feel the same, or I couldn’t handle a relationship like this but with each day I’ve served alongside you,  **I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.**

“I recoiled from the idea of marrying you when Draven first mentioned it, but it had nothing to do with you. I’ve lived my life through orders, but this… this is different. I don’t want it to be an order, and I don’t want it to be logical.” He swallowed again and a nervous look creeped back into his eyes. His next words were rushed, as if he had spent all afternoon practicing them and needed to get them out before he forgot them. “And if you don’t want to involve legal documentation, that’s fine, but, Jyn, I need you to know that I’m going to be right by your side for as long as you want me.”

Cassian had never declared anything so sentimental before, not even hidden within the walls of their quarters and under the cover of darkness. She’d known – how could she not, when she felt the same way? – but she’d never heard it expressed in so many words. She wanted to surge up and kiss him, to silence him in the best way, but her knees wobbled, her mind spun, her throat dried up. She should be speaking, should be reassuring him, but she wasn’t sure she could speak if she wanted to.

“I don’t want anything dramatic,” she finally managed, her voice sounding as hoarse as her throat felt. “But I’ve learned to like the official path over the last few years.”

Cassian’s eyes lit up and Jyn’s suspicions that, no matter how he assured her he was fine either way, he wanted this to be official.

“We can be as quiet as you want,” he assured her. “No one outside of the crew would have to know.”

Considering how gossip spread around the Rebellion, Jyn doubted that would be true, but, as she pulled Cassian down for a kiss, she decided it wouldn’t matter.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr over at [RxbxlCaptain](https://rxbxlcaptain.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> I have several requests sitting in my inbox, so if you're still waiting for yours, don't worry! I promise I'm working on it and you'll see it soon :)


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